Mr. Something-Else-Instead could never find anything he needed so he always used something else instead.  That’s not his real name but that’s what everybody called him.  His real name was Mr. Nimble.

One morning Mr. Something-Else-Instead could not find his shirt so he wrapped a tablecloth around his shoulders. He could not find his left shoe so he wore his left rubber boot and he could not find his right shoe so he wore his right fuzzy slipper.  And then he couldn’t find his hat so he put a paper hat on top of his head.

Then Mr. Something-Else-Instead walked out of his house to find his car. But he could not find his car. So, he climbed on his son’s tricycle and headed to work wearing the paper bag hat on his head and the tablecloth on his shoulders and the rubber boot on his left foot and the fuzzy slipper on his right foot.

Miss Kitty watched all of this happen and she smiled. She was friends with Mr. Something-Else-Instead. She knew he had a little trouble sometimes finding the things that he needed but that was OK, she loved him anyways. Now this was the day that Mr. Something-Else-Instead was going to build Miss Kitty a new house but he could not find the cement he needed to build a firm foundation for this new house.

So, you know what he did? He used rocks, hundreds of nice flat rocks.  He stacked the flat rocks very carefully to make the foundation. It was just as strong as if he had used concrete. So, then he needed to build the sides and the roof of the house.

Mr. Something-Else-Instead asked Miss Kitty — do you know where my wood is at?

Miss Kitty replied to Mr. Something-Else-Instead — I do not know where you wood is at. Perhaps you will have to use something else instead of your wood. So, Mr. Something-Else-Instead decided to use empty wooden boxes and crates.

Mr. Something-Else-Instead asked Miss Kitty — do you think we can get some help gathering up empty wooden boxes and crates?

Miss Kitty replied — yes we can get some help.

Miss Kitty called her friend Hank the Tank.  She asked him to go all over the neighborhood gathering up wooden boxes and crates to help build her house. Boy they had a lot of fun talking with people and picking up all of the scrap boxes and all of the scrap crates all over the neighborhood. Everyone was happy to see the neighborhood getting cleaned up by Hank the Tank and Miss Kitty.

Well, some of the big boxes collected by Hank the Tank still had crumbs and things in the bottom of those boxes.  So, Mr. Something-Else-Instead went looking for a vacuum cleaner. Goodness, he looked all over the neighborhood for a vacuum cleaner he could not find one. And besides, the new house didn’t have electricity yet so he couldn’t run a vacuum cleaner.

Do you know what he did then? Mr. Something-Else-Instead decided that Hank the Tank could sniff all of that stuff right out of those boxes. Hank the Tank carefully cleaned out each box, He gobbled up every crumb he could find.  He even licked the smudges of marshmallow that were on a couple of the boxes. Hank the Tank had great fun.   Miss Kitty was grateful to God for Hank the Tank’s big tummy.

Then came the need to create wood planks. Miss Kitty and Hank the Tank went right to work. They took all of those boxes and crates apart and turned them into flat wood planks.  The planks were just perfect to build Miss Kitty’s new house.   Miss Kitty was very grateful to God for providing all of this wood so that she could have a new house.

Now it was time to put it in the windows of this new house for Miss Kitty.  Well, Mr. Something-Else-Instead became very sad.  He had overlooked getting windows for the house. So, Miss Kitty reached out to her friend Miss Dapple-snappy. Miss Dapple-snappy had been wearing glasses for many years.  She had many old pairs of glasses that she no longer needed. Mr. Something-Else-Instead talked with Miss Dapple-snappy. She agreed to give him all of her old glasses so Miss Kitty could have windows in her house. Soon there were 38 small windows in the house, every place that you needed light so that Miss Kitty could see when she needed light.

The house was beginning to look very nice but Mr. Something-Else-Instead needed to build a chimney for the fireplace.  He could not find the brick that he needed for the fireplace. So, Mr. Something-Else-Instead talked to the mayor of the city and borrowed the hat of the mayor.  He built a chimney out of that hat for Miss Kitty’s new house.  That hat made a wonderful chimney.

All that was needed now was some paint. Mr. Something-Else-Instead could not find his paint. So, Hank the Tank went all over the entire neighborhood and found a few people who had extra paint. They brought that paint over to her house and mixed it all together.  It made a lovely green color, Miss Kitties favorite color. They painted her house. Miss Kitty was very thankful to Mr. Something-Else-Instead, Hank the Tank and to God for providing the paint.

At last, the house was finished. Miss Kitty was able to move in.   Everybody in the town came to stand on the lawn of Miss Kitty’s new house and clap for the really nice thing that Mr. Something-Else-Instead and Hank the Tank had done for Miss Kitty. 

Miss Kitty was very careful to thank all the people involved who provided things for her house, but most of all she thanked God for his grace and all of this effort so that she could have a house to live in.

The mayor said we all want to thank Mr. Something-Else-Instead for leading this project and creating this home that Miss Kitty really needed. Then the Mayor prayed for Miss Kitty and the others that God would bless them all.

With a happy smile Mr. Something-Else-Instead waved at everybody. Hank the Tank found the tricycle that Mr. Something-Else-Instead had misplaced. Then Mr. Something-Else-Instead climbed on his little boy’s tricycle and headed off for home having been very happy to build this home. There he went, he was wearing a paper bag hat on his head, he had the tablecloth around his shoulders, he had a rubber boot on his left foot, and a fuzzy slipper on his right foot.  He was an amazing sight to see as he headed home into the sunset.

The end.

Written by Bee Lewi, published in Humpty Dumpty Childrens Magazine, May 1956

Adapted for ShalomTalk by Dan