16.1 Letter to my son David
Your letter arrived two days ago. I was pleased to see that you were able to create a weekend 5K road race for high school students. Your college friends were generous with their time in helping you administrate the event. It appeared, from your description, to be a very solid gathering but you mentioned that there were several struggles to get the event started on time. You lamented not being wise enough to foresee the struggles. I noted your questions. Your first question was – How can I leverage God’s wisdom in my life? Your second question was — How then shall I live this life I have been given. Please note, this letter is a bit longer than my usual letter. Your questions required more space than usual.
The Remembrance… I remember when I was almost done with my time in the Air Force, I had never known a time when I was not tightly coupled with the Air Force, moving around with my parents or as a member of the Air Force. I could never have believed that I would finish as an Officer.
Your life will be full of decisions once the euphoria of being a graduate diminishes. Being passive is not the same as trusting God. Seek God’s wisdom, learn to apply his wisdom to every decision – not just the big ones, every decision. You will sleep better at night.
I was the first person to be commissioned in our family. Your grandparents came to the graduation and then my father was unsure how to talk with me at first, he had deep roots as an enlisted guy. I knew how it should be – he was my father – that superseded any job title I might have. But he was not so sure at first how I was going to play the situation. I quickly established the ground rules – he was my dad, I yielded to him, not the other way around. This conversation needed to happen for him. He was following his protocol. I complied (God’s wisdom).
At the end of my time with the military, I had learned a few things along the way from the Spirit of God about making life-plans and decisions. Your life will be full of decisions once the euphoria of being a graduate diminishes. Being passive is not the same as trusting God. Seek God’s wisdom, learn to apply his wisdom to every decision – not just the big ones, every decision. You will sleep better at night.
Over the years I have learned — We grow in God; we need to grow in God – it is part of the design. Standing still is the opposite of growth; God’s wisdom is often learned in the tension of life. I have noted that learning happens for a while and then there are plateaus. Be careful not to become complacent during the plateau. God is working with you, developing habits and life rhythm with the things he has taught you – that is the purpose of the plateau. When the habit forming is done, then the learning starts again. You have heard me say ‘onward and upward’ many times. That is what I was talking about.
Have no doubt – I have been ‘schooled’ by God numerous times — hot stoves will burn your fingers and impair your mindset. Learning is not all fun and cool adventures. Not all experiences are pleasant – even when God is square in the center of the experience. This is what I mean when I say, ‘it’s just a speed bump’. Things happen but God never changes. Expect friction in your life. Embrace it. Get past it.
Do not shy away from painful learning events. We grow fast in the circles of pain and trouble. It is certain you will be asking – if I am chosen by God to be his servant, why is my life messy? This is why you have heard me say – life is not a jute box. We are not in control, God is. Let him be in control. It is safer. He is smarter. We will live a better life. Find his plan. Cling to the plan.
Finally, you have heard me say ‘my hat size is too large’ or some variation on that theme. What is that about? Plain and simple it is about pride. Too much of me and not enough of Jesus. My head gets big when I think too highly of myself — this is a dangerous place to be. Pepper calls me out. God calls me out. Walk away from big hats, they can be lethal.
Well, you asked the question about wisdom. I hope these few words helped. You may have noted that I provided only a few bible verses to anchor these lessons-learned concerning wisdom. It is best you do your own homework and find your life verses on your own. They will mean more when you find them. That is a key lesson I learned – we need to be able to teach our self and to confirm everything we hear from men in Scripture. This is the path. Do the work, learn from God.
First question — How to leverage God’s Wisdom? Please take a look atEcclesiastes 8. Solomon wrote an overview of God’s wisdom in Ecclesiastes 8:1-5 — Who is like the wise? Who knows the explanation of things? A person’s wisdom brightens their face and changes their hard appearance. Obey the king’s command, I say, because you took an oath before God. Do not be in a hurry to leave the king’s presence. Do not stand up for a bad cause, for [the king] will [always] do whatever [is right]. Since a king’s word is supreme, who can say to him, “What are you doing?” Whoever obeys [the king’s] command will come to no harm, and the wise heart will know the proper time and procedure [to implement]. (paraphrased from NIV)
Finding the wise heart, we move with prudence looking for the opportunities granted by God’s grace that leads us to the safe havens. We search for that wise heart to help us understand what to do when we think we may have been wronged. We search for that wise heart when we find somebody standing in front of us that needs help.
I recall the decision theorem expressed by Mother Theresa when she was asked about serving God and choosing who to help. She mused — How do I know who the help next? I just look forward and see who is standing in front of me. That person is the person that God has placed in my life, that person is the person I will help. I simply need to ask – what can I do to be helpful? God will provide the means to be helpful. Solomon says that our heart, properly nurtured, is able to discern both the right time to act and the right thing to do. It is God’s grace that empowers this action, and God’s Spirit that teaches us what to do. We know how to gather up the right people and move forward. God’s plan will prevail.
Consider the actions of Ester. We read in Ester 4:12-16 — When Esther’s words were reported to Mordecai, he sent back this answer: “Do not think that because you are in the king’s house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For If you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: “go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. … I and my attendants will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish. (NIV)
A person guided by God’s wisdom knows – just be helpful. A simple mantra, but an incredibly powerful watch phrase to live by. We are to love others as Jesus loved us. We are to ‘be helpful’ in a manner driven by Gods love. When we are in the zone, we will be effective and find the right solution. Esther moved with haste and purpose. She was in the zone. Alas, sometimes we miss the guidepost. Therefore, we are wise to always respect the king. We must pay attention to what we say and what we do. Being helpful is not always the easy path, find what is needed and get it done.
Proverbs 30:32 says — If you play the fool and exalt yourself, or if you plan evil, clap your hand over your mouth! For as churning cream produces butter, and as twisting the nose produces blood, so stirring up anger produces strife (NIV).
We are wise not to race out of his sight at the first sign of displeasure with us, or when we are displeased with the outcome of his action. As we walk through life, we may miss God’s guidepost and by accident, be drawn into a thing of evil (speedbumps). When this happens, immediately confess the sin and pull back. Do not stand in the sin. Recede to safe ground and then deal with the aftermath. God will provide a path. He will love you back to safety. Wisdom and Grace will prevail. In God’s grace, endeavor to be helpful. Do not fear speedbumps.
Second question — How then should I live this life? I want both of us to focus on God’s desire for us individually and then leverage that focus when setting goals, prioritizing goals and making plans.
We need to be able to teach our self and to confirm everything we hear from men
in scripture. This is the path. Do the work, learn from God.
I could write a thousand things that God wants for us and not begin to define the pacing in the night, the constant gazing on our life, and the many ways he leans into our life lest we stray. First, we are told to love one another, he desires this, he enables this, for love is from God, directly implanted into our heart, and whoever loves demonstrates he or she is born if God and knows God. Furthermore, if we shy away from loving others, we besmirch his command and he gives us space, waiting to see if we will choose to return to his safe harbor. Why? Because God is the essence of what love is – his very being is love (implied in 1 John 4:7-8).
What does he desire from us? We should humble ourselves, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time, our goals and priorities exalt the one true living God, our plans lay aside all angst and worry giving him space to do what he does best – care for and love you (implied in 1 Peter 5:6-7). He desires that you set your mind on his, climbing into the mind of God as best as you can as you climbed on my lap when you were a small lad (implied in Colossians 3:2). For you were wonderfully made, his workmanship, you my son were created in Jesus for his good works, the things he knew that you would do, which he prepared long before you were born (implied in Ephesians 2:10). Then, in his wisdom, he gives us endurance, so we do not grow the least bit weary of doing good, for in his time and schedule, he will show us the outcome of our effort if we do not stop short of the goal (see Galatians 6:9)
This is what God desires of us – That we love him and love others as Jesus loved the church, as Jesus gave himself for the church, as Jesus now nurtures the church. We are to do the same for others. Micah tells us to be a just person, exude mercy towards others, and to live a humble life (implied in Micah 6:8). This is how we walk with God. Don’t sit and assess too long, pray, make up your mind, and ‘get to it’.
If we are just getting started, we may not have any hints about what God desires for us, therefore, we should talk about the framework – Life-Plans, Goals, and Priorities. Once we know what to expect, then God fills in the blanks.
The Life-Plan – a series of outcomes defined by God. Take a look at Jeremiah 1:5 — Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born, I consecrated you; I appointed you [to be] a prophet to the nations [NIV]. When you first really embrace this, you are a bit overcome by the enormity of it all. Notice the message in Psalms 32:8 — I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you [NIV]. Couple Jeremiah’s message and Psalms 32 message with this message from Psalms 33:11 — The plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations [NIV]. Using these few Scriptures to anchor my thoughts, I think it is clear we plan with God on center stage. He is the plan. He is the source and the reason. We seek him to learn of His plan. We listen and he speaks.
A person guided by God’s wisdom knows – Just be Helpful. A simple mantra, but
an incredibly powerful watch phrase to live by…
You may recall my essays on the Holy Spirit and on hearing the voice of God several weeks ago. These ideas are relevant to this topic. Please find that letter and review. My personal life-plan simple – finish this life with honor, help my life-mate finish her life with honor, engage in ministry with others who seek help.
To find your life-plan, it starts with prayer and meditation (see my essays on meditation). This prayer should occur with the notion of ‘open hands’ and a ‘bowed head’. This is a time of searching and listening. We do not know what our tomorrows will bring, so we should approach this process with much humbleness and quietness. We need to be open to God. This is a regular event; we need to keep our plan current (in sync) with God’s plan. Make him happy, inquire how you might further his kingdom, how you might raise your children, might make opportunities for your wife, what you should do for others. Do not lose sight of the mandate – love one another. We are wise to focus our life-plans on becoming a better servant, focused on God, and tightly coupled with Scripture.
The deeper truth on making life-plans. We are not always going to get it right. Expect God to take unexpected right or left turns. It is common for us to skid off the path, drift the wrong way, and end up in the mud. God did not make a mistake; we made the mistake. On our best day, we think we have the right thing going, only to find out that God created a better plan, a better plan than we formed. When this happens, we should rejoice – we are learning, we adjust, and we strive to bring our steps more closely aligned with his steps. When you become willing to yield, really cool things will happen. I do want you to notice, I did not talk about being retired (dropping anchor) in the plan. I merely talked about the autumn of my life and how I am proceeding to make my days useful now that I have more time on my hands.
Micah tells us to be a just person, exude mercy towards others, and to live a humble life (implied in Micah 6:8). This is the how we walk with God. Don’t sit and assess too long,
pray, make up your mind, and ‘get to it’.
Let us shift our thinking to a related subject. Goals are the way we live our life based upon God’s Life-Plan for us. Goals are outcomes or endgames, desired states of completion for a specific idea or event. Goals are the things we are doing this week, next week, next month to accomplish God’s life-plan for us. When setting goals, we should examine our life plans and consider how to integrate that life-plan into each relevant goal. Goals include the individual procedural steps we will take to achieve each outcome.
We read in Psalms 37:4 – Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desire of your heart. We get the same type of guidance from Proverbs 3:5-6 — Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
I learned from John Piper — God’s wisdom in us is more likely to succeed than any human wisdom because God can guarantee the success of his goals – we cannot. Nothing like stating the obvious!
The details. I think we need to be careful not to make our list of goals too long. It is difficult to see very far into the future. We use schedules to manage our weekly goals and our monthly goals. We use plans to frame our goals through the years. Simplicity seems to be a good beginning point for the schedule. If you set 50 goals per week, you may struggle to get them done. The simple math suggests you are scheduling 10-minute intervals in your schedule with no break in an 8-hour day. I would create a much smaller list of goals, something that you might get done in the next 1-2 months that nudge you closer to completion of one of the plans. Allow for delays and changes in scope that impact your ability to deliver the goal in a timely fashion.
Focus on one thing at a time, be flexible, set time aside to work on the goal and to work on the process steps needed to complete the goal. Embrace your relationships. My current goals for the next few months are things like – go camping with Pepper, visit my mom, complete the garage project at Pepper’s house, complete the closet rebuild at Pepper’s house, finish working on the F100 pickup in my barn, finish the book, finish the Bible study approval process with Pantano and start the Bible study.
Priorities – define the most important or immediate goal, defines incremental levels of importance for all known goals. We should take a look at 1 Timothy 3:5 — For if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church? [NIV]. Or consider Philippians 2:4 — Let each of you look not only to his own interest, but also to the interest of others [NIV]. Then let us consider Luke 12: 29-31 — do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek hiskingdom, and these things will be added to you [NIV]. This list of Scripture provides clues.
Focus on one thing at a time, be flexible, set time aside to work on the goal and to work on the process steps needed to complete the goal. Embrace your relationships.
I think priorities are much simpler than you might think. Priority becomes an issue when you have more goals for the near term than you have time or resources to complete the goals. Take a second look at the list of goals; thin the herd. If you cannot purge, then follow the natural flow of priority – God, wife, children, others, church, work. Evaluate the situation, decide and implement the decision. Keep it simple. Time spent assessing is time not spent on task. Lots of conflicts and prioritization issues suggest your list of goals has a few flaws. Start at the top and regroup. Get past the thinking and back to the ‘doing’.
This was a long letter, much longer than normal. For now, I need to close and get back to work. I hope I have helped you to find some peace on these topics.
May the Lord bless you with his comfort, may he lift up his countenance and calm your soul, may he help you find the eye of the hurricane that surrounds you.
I love you, my son.
Your father, Dan